September 21 2015

This week has been interesting, and I've been having a lot of trials and such, and there've been days this week when I asked myself, again... "Am I really doing what the Lord wants me to be doing?" and, "Am I worthy to be here?" (Everywhere we go over here in Europe there is pictures of people wearing almost no clothing and it's nearly impossible not to see it) Sometimes I feel bad because it's sometimes difficult to get certain things out of my head, and It makes me feel like crap. I've even asked myself this week, "Is God really there, and do I really mean a lot to Him?" I've just gotten into 3rd nephi and I'm reading the ministering of Christ to the Nephites and I'm just not feeling it (the spirit) the way I prayed that I would when I got to this section of the Book of Mormon. I've felt these kinds of feelings: "That's great that God's doing all these amazing, inspiring, miraculous things for these people in this book, but where is He in MY life?" and the like... Yesterday however, while we were walking along a very long and confusing to follow street, looking for a man who we never were able to find, and having had zero lessons yesterday, and having zero's all across the board for our key indicators, I found myself feeling like dirt, and like I was not pleasing my Father in Heaven, and as I sit here, I'm still not sure if he's pleased with me, but I know that He's merciful because while we were walking around for 3 hours, I found myself thinking that I was hungry and thirsty and that I needed something to suck on or I would just lose my patience completely... I thought of the movie Meet the Mormons, and the story of the mother who walked into a gas station and eventually received a blessing from the elders, and she felt that, "God was trying to tell me to, 'hang on, just keep going, you're almost there!' " and I was thinking about that, and then just as I was thinking about this, we passed an older woman walking her bicycle, and surprisingly, she stopped us... "you're mormon's right?" she asked. We replied that, "Ano(yes), my(we) jsme(are) mormoni(Mormons)" we spoke with here for a little while, and she told us about how she actually knows some members of our Branch. she told us that she respects us and asked us if we needed any help. we said that we didn't know if she could help us but that we were looking for an address, and she volunteered to get on her bike and go down the street beyond us and look for the address. we accepted her offer to help us, and then she thanked us and gave us each a hard candy, I got the brown one that tasted like flat root beer. Funny thing was, I had just been thinking that I could use some food, because we had actually not eaten lunch. I again heard the words from the Meet the Mormons movie, "hang on, I'm still here just keep going". We never actually found the man, and so that was a disappointment, but I was slightly reminded that God is there. Earlier that same day (yesterday, sunday) we ended church and a member asked us if we'd come with him to go visit a sick member who has not been to church in a long time due to his sickness. We went out to visit him, and when we got there he was just getting home. no, literally, we got out of the member's car exactly when Rudolf exited the passenger seat of a truck as he was getting home from somewhere. Rudolf is his name. When he saw us, he immediately said, "hey boys"(in english) with a smile. We'd never met Rudolf before but he welcomed us with a warmth that I thought only somebody who I have known for years could have. his lips were blue. Being an old man, and with the Czech people having the culture they do, he told us that his legs were blue too, and then immediately dropped his pants so that we could plainly see that, yes... his legs had become a little blue too. He put his pants back on and then we basically, thought czech and some broken english, and yes my broken czech too... we basically figured out that he wanted a blessing, so we went inside his old garage, which had a big barn door, and when we walked inside, it was clearly both a garage and a barn... and in the corner by the big, rotted wooden door was a recliner chair, where Rudolf sat down and waited for us to give him a blessing. "in Czech?" I asked Starší Boyce. "of course in Czech" he firmly reminded me... I swallowed hard, I don't have much experience with blessings anyway, and now I was supposed to anoint somebody's head with oil, in Czech. Elder Boyce pulled out a card, with instructions in czech for how to anoint somebody with oil. So I used that. it went very well. Elder Boyce gave the blessing after I anointed and afterwards Rudolf stood up and nearly in tears told us both, "thank you" and then gave me the most tender and sincere hug I've ever had from a stranger. This old man, Rudolf Gaba, told us that because of his age and health, he cannot work in his garden. He is the last member in his family who's still alive. his parents, dead, his sister, dead, he doesn't have children, and he's Lost his taste. he can't taste anything, and his heart only has 30 percent oxygen when it's supposed to have 50 percent, so that's why his body is turning blue... long story short, he's gonna die soon. he explained to us that even though he's been unable to go to church, this Church has stayed with him, and then he thanked us, for giving him Hope again. "you give me Hope." is what he told us. After one last hug, and as we walked away, down the street, we didn't look back because it just felt right to end well. then, about 2 minutes after we started walking away, right before we turn the corner on this long street, we here a whistle, and turn around, and he's still standing outside his door, and is watching us walk away,still. when we turn to look at him he waves for the last time, and we wave, then we turn the corner, and we're gone. we went to the train station and then THAT is when we begin our 3 hour journey to find the missing less active member talked about earlier in this email. but I have never felt so much love for a complete stranger. gotta go, this is my weekly email, love you all, Chow! Elder Dean