October 26 2015

This week has been great, many small miracles and tender mercies, I am learning lots here. It is all thanks to Conference though, or rather, the Lord, who has helped me understand the simplicity of our purpose as missionaries, and I'm already beginning to see the results of His personal revelation to me. During my entire time here in the mission so far, my experience has been one of learning and difficulty. I felt like God wasn't there, and that I was doing things all on my own sometimes. I of course felt His influence at times, but I was not feeling it "before (my) face, and on (my) right hand and on (my) left..." I just was not feeling it like I expected I would. But Conference has reminded me of so many things that I already know to be true, but I have just been continually falling prey to the Adversary and his cunning devices. He definitely likes to rip us down, and he likes to try to make us forget the things we know to be true. During General Conference I was reminded of several things that I have gained a knowledge of during my childhood, but I had forgotten, or at least, forgotten their meaning lately. Things such as: -God has called me to be a missionary, and He knows I'm weak, and He wants to show me and others that the weak things of the world are what He uses to bring His Gospel to the world. -When I look back on my life thus far, I realize where I am and I re-realize that God has always been there, even in my rough times, I have no need to fear, if I trust in Him. But I found myself asking, "how am I supposed to trust in Him if I don't know where he is in my life?" I found my answer at General Conference when they taught that, as His servants, we need to do our part, and (now this is important) let God do HIS part; which by simple understanding we realize is infinitely larger than anything we can ever do as mortals. But that principle: Trust God to do His part. I found myself asking, "what is God's part, and what is mine?" I realized, through personal revelation and through memories and such, that MY part, as a missionary... is to be a missionary. The Lord doesn't expect US to convince people, that's the spirit's job. We, as missionaries, are supposed to be there, so that the Spirit CAN convince these people. The words of the primary song continue to come to mind, "If the savior stood beside me..." Now when we think or hear about this hymn, we often (or at least I do) tend to think of if as a song to remind us to behave better, or to live a certain way, or to avoid sin. This song reminds us that, yes, the Savior DOES stand by us, and is constantly "nigh", we need only remember that truth. But during Conference, a different meaning came to me. It went something like this: "If the Savior stood beside me, would I do the things I do?" I thought about it, and then answered my thought, "No, I would not. My attitude would be different and I wouldn't need to worry about looking for Him in my life, because He would be Right There in front of me to see!" Then the truth, remember the truth, of the simple hymn came to my mind again, "He is always there" How true... Of Course He is. How could I have not seen it? I see how he's always there in regards to my sins, I know I cannot hide my imperfections from Him. So why, ever, would He not be there to also support us and be there, before our face and on our right hand and on our left? He wouldn't. He's always there to see our imperfections I know that for a fact, but He's not there just to chasten us when we mess up, he's there ALL the time, and often, we just need to Allow Him to do His part. That's what I mainly learned at General Conference this time. I've only begun to learn more about the great plan that God has prepared for us and I'm only beginning to learn about how God prepares us through allowing us to exercise trust in him.