Feb. 1 2016

This week has been good. Elder Oviatt and I went to Prague on Thursday on an exchange with the Assistants to the President, and It was fun. Friday morning we woke up, the 4 of us (ap's and Elder Oviat and I) and we went for one of the hardest runs I have ever run. The first part is downhill, and that lasts for about 5 minutes, and then suddnely we hit these stairs and we run UP these stairs, for like 5 minutes of just straight stairs, and the AP's run these stairs almost every morning, and so for Elder Oviatt and I, it was a real killer. I think we need to be runing more. Elder Oviatt and I sometimes have a hard time geting up in the morning to go running. While we were on this exchange, President McConkie interviewed me and Elder Oviatt. I was brought into his office and saw his cluttered desk and said, "hey, I am so glad that I'm not the only one who has a cluttered desk." to which he replied, "yeah, I need to clean up soon." during our interview I expressed some concerns I had with the missionary work. President helped me to remember that we need to build our faith to find, and to baptize. "This is a Baptizing mission" he told me. He reminded me about 1 Nephi chapter 2, where Nephi prays, and his heart is "softened". Nephi also has a good balance of being able to say, "I am young... nevertheless, I am large in Stature" and being able to acknoledge his weaknesses but also being able to be gratefull for the strength that he does have. I have not baptized yet in this mission... and I allow myself to wonder sometimes if I ever will. But President affirms, that this mission is NOT a mission for planting seeds... We are a Baptizing mission. I guess I don't have enough Faith to baptize. So often, I talk to people and I just know from passed experiences that they are going to say "no". and then I ask, with as much conviction as I can muster, and I ask, "will you ask God if these things are true? I know that He will answer you." just to hear, "no". I am trying to figure this out right now. we had a particularly hard day yesterday. Every single person for like 5 hours openly and angrily opposed us. I don't know why this is so hard... I don't know why I have not been able to baptize. I don't know why... or what I'm doing wrong. But I know that the Church is true... I know that Joseph Smith was and is the Prophet of the Restoration. I believe that I am supposed to be here... I believe that this mission will bring more Joy into my life than I have ever experienced... I believe those things. and I hope those things. But for now, I suppose I just will have to hang on for those beliefs to become a sure knowledge. But I know that Jesus Christ is our Savior. We can Pray to our Father in Heaven and He hears us and He does answer us. and in those times when we don't feel like we have an answer, it's because he's carving out a place in our hearts for him to put those answers. because our hearts are often too hard to accept the answer when we first ask for it. I have a testimony of this thing. Have a good week, and rememebr that it's better to pray for service opportunities, than it is to pray for the servants. Elder Dean